Finally Got Offered as a Master student in UM but...

The road that was not taken had been traveled thus far...
It marked from 2nd June 2009 till 29 Jan 2010... In a blink of an eye, EIGHT months had passed!!
Just like that! OMG! Time really flies without one knowing it fly past?!


After traveled that narrow, winding and rocky path for thus far, i felt i learn a lot out from here... at least i learn to pre-plan things that i need, which make organizing much easier;) The road not taken is not an easy road to travel. Not for me at least, a person who had experience from an extreme freedom lifestyle of sales to a very much stricter and mundane lifestyle of a researcher/scientist/ RA in the lab.  


Gritting my teeth and suffered through each and every working hour, gripping punches in my fist but couldnt express to anyone, kept furious flame within, condemning the place and working hours at times of rushing for projects! Knowing all these is for the benefit of myself towards the end but still i couldn't take it! There is no, should i repeat again; NO TEAM WORK at all!! People here are very much SELling FISH but yet wants to learn everything from others!! How dreadful and scary! They are competing among ourselves and not competing inter-varsity nor internationally which i think is not healthy for the organization. I personally find this kind of attitude childish and narrow-minded.


Yes, the motivation of moving on everyday is to get an offer to be a master student from prof. Well, they called it Master in Medical Science (by research), and it is under Ortho Dept, Medicine Fac, UM. After working as an RA for 8 solid months, with the stress level reaching to the peak lately, more and more projects were assigned, countless roles had been assigned, more lab work lying there waiting to be done and expecting more to come. Suddenly, prof throw this question to me while i was in the midst of stressing out (with so many things to be done on hand)...


Prof: "Amy, do you want to do your Master?"


It came so sudden and i stared blankly at him... a little hesitated to answer him.
At this point of life, i am pondering whether to do Master or to change stream to another equivalent field.
I felt like i am losing my happiness, the pure joy of doing research had vanished, and the interest decreased due to my personal experiences in certain issues. My character changed according to the environment and recently i adapted to the childish characters around me which makes me felt stupid and childish. i hate it.


That evening itself, prof asked me 3 times... i could remember so well! He got pissed a little after the first time asking me where i shown a little hessitated to even answer "yes" or "no". Later, he humorously asking me, was i on some drug/ medication or do i need any prescriptions from him? He said he will ask me again in a few months time. I can see he is a bit pissed off( from the facial expresssion) but dont want to lie to him. Then he asked again jokingly 2 days later... over breakfast... and again i am in dilemma. i answered a soft "yes" but was unsure myself! If he were to asked me the same question 2 months back... i will definitely shouted 'yes,yes, yes, i want it now desperately'. Perhaps, i have grown one year older and obtained a green light as well as due to the great stress that i am facing that might end up with some health problems.

I am so indecisive this time; undecided in this path that diverge into two again. Taking up this offer means "no-turning back" already, at the brightest peak is where i will end up to be but might tumble down the hill many many times. i dont think i am able to take this huge amount of stress. Still remember, there was a time due to high level of stress i force myself to excel a higher level, i force myself to sleep only 4 hours a day (coz i feel it is a waste of time sleeping) to pump up myself, resulting a very sick me! I lost valuable things in my life! Good Health is the best asset God gave to us! Without it, one can do practically nothing, one can achieve no dream, all hopes tumble down the drain! After much thoughts had been put in, pro and cons had been written down.... still  i am indecisive and moreover the time is not ripe yet!

To stay or not?

If i stay... i will be being make fun of, lost my self-confidence, being called what-so-ever, struggling without getting help from others (some people might say i support you but never do anything to help, verbally support only), feel lonely, meeting TEG'ians more than my other friends, lost my social life, only enjoys doing research and happy in my own research findings, living in my own small cubicle, feeling like 'syok-sendiri' in doing my own work, dealing with lab tests as well as animals (rats in this case), being looked down most of the time, feeling ever inadequate, follow somebody else's idea, feeling unfairness happening around me, many projects on-going and reports and grants to be apply for with ever short due date. I am going to be a 'crazy' scientist!! facing the 4 walls doing lab work entire lifE?!

If i decided to leave... *To be continue*... But one thing i am sure of... i am gonna miss my caring Prof who aspire to achieve higher ground in the shortest time (we share the same mindset and blueprint, that's why i kindda take him as my role model... haha), TEG'ians as well as the people there. This is a place of which i throw out my effort independently!! Haha... starting to have mix feeling... the feeling of likes and dislikes ;) However, life goes on and i still need to sacrifice rats tomorrow and the day after alongside with the huge amount of labwork to be done, have to present E-science idea, finish up the grant, pass up progress report, Dean's storage room inventory and have to get the Ortho page done by nx fri... so many things lying in front of me to be done... Sigh!

Resolution for the year 2010...

The tradition of making New Year resolutions started almost 2,000 years ago with people reflecting on the past and then thinking of the future.

History:
The ancient symbol for resolutions is Janus, a mythical king of early Rome who is said to have two faces, one that looks back on the past and another that looks towards the future.

My 2010 Resolution:

1. Exercise at least once a week for a total duration of 30 minutes.
2. Cut down 5 kilos of my body weight!! means cutting 0.45kg per month
3. Register for my Master
4. Eat healthily
5. Sleep before 11.55pm daily
   
6. Spend at least a day of quality time per month with family
7. Read at least a journal per day! means 365 journals in total!
8. Blog twice a month to store the precious memory here
   
9. ...

list to be populated from time to time....

Memorable Christmas 2009 ><

After a wonderful night yesterday in church, i countdown in my house coz i reached home at bout 11.30pm...too late to go anywhere... countdown together with EJ (on9) to Christmas 2009! Then on9 for an hour, get prepared for the big day tomorrow and Zzzz.

*Buzz* 6.30am *Buzz*
Alarm sounded but i was too tired to wake up, decided to sleep 10 mins more;)
Reluctantly... took bath... get dressed in BG Performing Arts Troupe shirt and black pants, trying to open my eye to put make-ups, pack the white dancing shirt into my bag and start fetching my friend to BG PJ at 8am. Luckily i got up early as my dance partner suddenly called ard 7am suggested me to wear my own outfit for one of the dance.

Attended morning church service at Sri Petaling Church near Carrefour there. Performed Jingle Bell Tambourine dance and "Thank You Jesus" dance. The stage a bit cramp and the music was soft but managed to dance gracefully, bringing out the joy of christmas;) Pastor was kind enough to treat us dim sum for our growling stomach. Well, it was a breakfast cum lunch for most of us;)

Heading back to BG PJ at ard 1pm... Ps. SC expressed her thoughts of paying a visit to the disabled friends in hospital, who are admitted and have to celebrate christmas in the hospital. We were very tired but i thought to myself, this is very meaningful indeed... yearning to do something different... i supported the idea and called some of the arts troupe members to join the hospital caroling on Christmas Day, to name a few... Mag, Chng and Khor.

First stop at about 2.30pm in Selayang Hospital, one van from BG PJ merge with one van from BG Kepong plus a small Kancil gathered with healthy drinks for everyone and some tidbits, we sung Christmas songs to our friend in the hospital, bringing smiles to him and the surrounding patients in the ward. I notice he smiled widely as we were singing and humming together with us. Then we cheered and gobble down the tidbits. We started to chit chat and shared the happiness (food) with the surrounding patients and their family members.

Then we made our journey to University Hospital (a boring place for me...i was there yesterday, the day before and forsee, years to come). But... the feeling when i was there on christmas day for a good cause was entirely different. With the same team, minus a few person, we went to 6th floor to visit one of our friend and then to 8th floor (Orthopaedic ward;)) to visit another 2 friends there. Singing the christmas songs in the same manner and cheering as well as munching around, wishing everyone Merry Christmas=) Repetitive as it could be... but the faces that we greet were different. At the end of the Caroling in Hospital, all of us was so exhausted, not because of the continuous munching and chit chatting but because of the dancing, caroling, greeting everyone we met and the travelling, and of course, mainly because of the insufficient sleep the night before. Some of them were involved in performance in Setia Alam, Klang and count down there. The visitation ended around 6.30pm. Everyone was super-exhausted!

Reflecting for the day... i am grateful to have the chance to experience hospital caroling during christmas day. The surprises and joy that the caroling team brought to those who are mourning on the bed in hospital is so precious to them. It wears a smile on their faces. The joys that the team bring... the message of love that they share... the warmth and care for those who are suffering... Ooo, how beautiful! To top the list, the caroling hospital visitation organized by a group of disabled friends to their disabled friends in need is such a rare occasion. It is my honored to be part of the visiting team. While we were caroling, i have the feeling that we (the caroling team) are like walking or 'wheeling' angels that brings the love of God and spread to those who cannot enjoy this festive season with their family, many patients as well as their family members were brighten up looking at our 'special' team. The wards were echoing with the carols and christmas greeting while we were there...

Wonderful and Memorable Christmas 2009!

Christmas Eve 2009

This year's christmas was quite a meaningful one ><>< What a shame... but i have no choice, i think its kindda a habit already.

Well, i enjoyed the christmas carol very much, was amused by the drama that they presented. It was quite a different one compared to the normal christmas drama playing the birth of Jesus christ. It is a story of a foreign sportsman who gain his fame from running events; leaving his success and profession behind; devote his life to answer his call. He decided to separate with his family and stepped into China to spread the good news; working as a teacher cum preacher and educating the children there. It is when the Japanese came attacked during World War 1 and his determination and love towards Chinese in China grew stronger. Unfortunately he died but his works became an inspiration for his students and the message of love was passed on. It demonstrate a successful person who are willing to leave everything behind and follow His Call for us...

My guess, they are bringing out this message:
"Be still in Lord and listen... Quietly... for His call and Act!"

It reminds me of a friend of mine who are trying so hard to chase after her calling, praying and praying to have the courage to take the first step. Now, she is acting according to His will... She had been to Nepal (to answer her call for those who are in need there) three times already and are planning to go and work there.

I am still blur in my own direction, i have no idea where to head, i am doing things my own way...
At times, i felt this is my calling, but i am not sure, i dare not take the first step, i ignore.
I know, To follow His call is not easy at all! like one of His disciple, leaving behind the fish net and follow Christ.... I cant... I cant leave my family behind, i cant leave my laptop behind, my friends... But i believe, God already had a plan lying ahead for me. Just that at this point of my life, i am still blur blur.... God, grant me Wisdom!!!

My journey with BG thus far...

Looking back...

Date: 16 September 2005, Friday

Venue: DK Geology in Geology Dept, Science Faculty, University of Malaya, Malaysia.

Speaker: Pastor Sia Siew Chin
Title: Social Concern related

I have always wanted to do something for the society, to do something meaningful in my life, so that i will not just wasted my life...living a normal life just like anyone else? nah, i yearn to do something when i am still energetic... wan to have stories to tell about my journey of life to my grandson and granddaughter if i live long enough ><... but i just dont know where to start or which direction to head.
What can i do now? Hmmm... barely... nothing...

Heard of Beautiful Gate (BG) Foundation for the Disabled but dont know what it is all about... During one of the PKV friday usual meeting (as written above), Ps Sia siew chin were invited to share about BG and their activities, i listened intently and was interested to know more about their foundation. I managed to have a few lines with her... but it is good enough already;)

Then, i was elected as the Social Concern Head (2006) and PKV came out with the idea of doing Recycling in UM, and the recyclables will go to BG. Through this, i started to get myself involved in BG activities... Organize PKV Visitation to BG... and then... start joining Be An Angel Camp from 2006, till now, 2009?! Wow?! I have been attending it for 4 years in a row;)

I enjoyed a lot in this 4 years of my journey together with BG... I started with a heart to serve, then I am tired of continuous giving and spending too much time on this. Decided to reduce the time spend but found that i am into it already, in fact am enjoying myself there;) They gave me the big loving family feel. I guess that is why i stayed. Then i joined BG Performing Arts Troupe towards the end of year 2006 and i did not regret it. Life is getting more and more colourful then!!

Life was even better when i graduated from UM and ventured into medical sales representatives. That means, i have more free time to go here and there while getting paid! =) life is way better that i imagined! That lasted for one and a half year... Then i found it is too mundane and thought of moving to a new environment, learn more thing while i am still young! Opportunity knocks and i took the challenge to obtain my Masters in my alma mater.... that was in the month of June 2009, right after the performance in Phillipines and Be An Angel Camp 2009. Well, everything fell in place then;)

However, knowing that taking up this challenge in my life means i need to spend more time on studying and lab experimentations. In other words, cutting down my social life; BG activities or friends activities. My life will be bored and revolved around research and only research results would be my sole entertainment. It is extremely tough for a change of working environment; from sales to lab; something like from freedom to jail-like life. The thought of cutting down social activities was planned with a heavy heart. But things happen in an opposite way... when i was about to reduce my involvement in BG due to the great stress that prof was giving me, and i was so in need for motivation as well as encouragement where i couldnt find anywhere else other than BG friends. They stretch they helping hand to encourage me and motivate me to be determine to overcome those obstacle. They are the ones who could give me warm hugs when i needed on so so badly to comfort my broken soul. Life is an irony, huh?! =)

Been with them for 4 years, i see volunteers come and go... disabled friends come and go as well... I am unsure how long will i stay with them or how little time i have to spend with them... It is all depends on God!
I praise the Lord for them!

Read this bible phrases that was posted up in thedailybibleverse.org in FB this morning and it reminds me of my first love towards this verse that motivates me to do volunteering works in Beautiful Gate;)

"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." - Luke 12:32-34

Indeed it is blessed to be able to really sell all our possession to help those in need but only a few (could count with my fingers) could sell everything and devote their life for the needies=) and i really "kow tow" for their great works. looking at their life and mine, it spurs me on=)

i think i will save my treasure in heaven little by little and day by day, unless i hit the jackpot then i could store more;) Gambate to those who are out there servicing the needies;)

Be Contented In Your Life =)

Have you ever, at any one time, had the feeling that life is bad, real bad, and you wish you were in another situation? You find life make things difficult for you, work sucks, life sucks, everything seems to go wrong....
Read the following story... it may change your views about life:

After a conversation with one of my friends, he told me despite taking 2 jobs, he brings back barely above 1K per month, he is happy as he is. I wonder how he can be as happy as he is considering he has to skimp his life with the low pay to support a pair of old parents, in-laws, a wife, 2 daughters and the many bills of a household.

He explained that it was through one incident that he saw in India that happened a few years ago when he was really feeling low and touring India after a major setback.He said that right in front of his very eyes he saw an Indian mother chop off her child's right hand with a chopper. The helplessness in the mother's eyes, the scream of pain from the innocent 4-year-old child haunted him until today.

You may ask why did the mother do so; had the child been naughty, had the child's hand been infected?? No, it was done for two simple words- - -TO BEG!
The desperate mother deliberately caused the child to be handicapped so that the child could go out to the streets to beg. Taken aback by the scene, he dropped a piece of bread he was eating half-way. And almost instantly, a flock 5 or 6 children swamped towards this small piece of bread which was covered with sand, robbing bits from one another.
The natural reaction of hunger.
Stricken by the happenings, he instructed his guide to drive him to the nearest bakery. He arrived at two bakeries and bought every single loaf of bread he found in the bakeries. The owner was dumbfounded but willingly sold everything. He spent less than $100 to obtain about 400 loaves of bread (this is less than $0.25 per loaf) and spent another $100 to get daily necessities.
Off he went in the truck full of bread into the streets. As he distributed the bread and necessities to the children (mostly handicapped) and a few adults, he received cheers and bows from these unfortunate. For the first time in his life he wondered how people can give up their dignity for a
loaf of bread which cost less than $0.25.

He began to tell himself how fortunate he is. How fortunate he is to be able to have a complete body, have a job! , have a family, have the chance to complain what food is nice and what isn't nice, have the chance to be clothed, have the many things that these people in front of him are deprived of...
Now I begin to think and feel it, too! Was my life really that bad?
Perhaps... no, I should not feel bad at all... What about you?
Maybe the next time you think you are, think about the child who lost one hand to beg on the streets.

"Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, it is the realization of how much you already have."

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that! we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past,you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Wish to thank those people who have touched my life in one point of my life, to those who make me smile when i badly needed it, to those that make me see the brighter side of things when i were really down, to those knows that i appreciate our friendship....

Salamat Po (means thanks in Tagalog, Philippines language)